Searching the Globe for Ms. Right

Dominican Republic - Day 4

2009-12-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

It was our last day and our plane left at 5PM so there would be no Freaky Freaky today. Besides, after 5 girls in three nights I was good. It gets to a point where you’re doing it just to do it. Of course, as soon as we got outside and I saw some of those hot tight bodies walking around, all that went out the window. There was a massage parlour down the street from our beach house and one of the lovelies offered me a massage. I asked the rate and was told 300 pesos, which is $10. I asked about extras and she said, “Oh you mean....” and she then poked her tongue into her cheek a few times. LOL! That cost an extra 500 pesos so massage and BJ was only about $28. I had spent my budget and had to regretfully decline.

Over breakfast, we talked about how guys don’t go down on working girls because they’ve had a million dicks down there. Of course, I kissed them on the mouth and they’ve had a million dicks there, too. Probably two million! Uhhh....not sure where I was going with this. Anyway, the total cost for 5 girls was CAN$300 so no complaints about that. We talked about who got more action but how to decide? Do we base it on more girls or more loads? And what about repeats? I didn't have any but he did. As you can tell, it's a very complex issue so we just called it a draw. My friend told me for my next vacation I should forget about girls and go to Europe. He said it has great history, architecture, etc. Hmmm.....a vacation where you DON’T pay for play? Interesting concept.

One place that we never had a chance to visit was La Passion. The guys all raved about it on the ISOC website. I found these pics taken during a Halloween party, I`m guessing.

On the drive to the airport, I asked the cabbie the current temp and he said it was 33 degrees. I told him the temp in TO was 2 degrees. He looked at me incredulously and said, “Senor, ees no possibel.” I replied, “Si, ees mucho possibel.” I told him that winter was just starting and that it would hit -20 before it was over. He had his nephew with us in the back seat but he spoke no English. When he translated, the nephew started laughing. And then the cabbie also started laughing. It dawned on me that they were laughing at me....at all of us....for being such dumb-asses to live in a climate better suited for polar bears than people.

So my trip was over and still no luck finding the elusive Ms. Right. Still, I’m nothing if not determined. I’m off to Cuba next year and I have a real good feeling about that country. Hey before I go, check this out. I stumbled across this on the internet and had to share it.

Germans are always good at inventing new things. Rules and laws are so tight that prostitutes were confined in overpriced rip-off night clubs and sleazy brothels for many years. About 25 years ago a new sort of establishment started to exist: the sauna clubs that later were renamed to FKK Clubs. FKK is a German term for nudists and public nudity and in combination with a brothel it became a synonym for what-you-see-is-what-you-get bordellos that were unheard of before. Instead of looking at disguised and make up enhanced whores in dark bars while being forced to buy expensive drinks you would be able to look at female nudists in a spa like environment and pick the ones that looked best. You could even check on their performance as sex in public would be the most normal thing. Besides there are numerous boards on the net like the German Roemerforum, 21orOver and World Sex Archives that would publish member submitted reports about the various FKK Clubs, so you would always be able to keep up on which girls are hot.
The German FKK Clubs have became a destination for sex tourists from the US. Instead of traveling to Bangkok or Rio, US sex tourists enjoy safe guarded and organized sex vacations in Germany. They can book their trips with FKK Tours. A side trip to the Amsterdam red-light district is just a few hours on the Autobahn by rental car and gives extra value to the European sex vacation.

This is an actual pic from inside this German club. Europe, huh? Maybe I was too hasty in dismissing my friend’s idea. :-)

Dominican Republic - Day 3

2009-12-11T09:10:00.000-08:00

One thing I noticed is how the slang for sex in these countries is English-based but different wherever you go. In Thailand, they call it Boom Boom. In DR, it’s Freaky Freaky. In Cuba, it’s Fucky Sucky. Before my trip, I had come across a site called ISOC, which stands for In Search of Chicas. It’s a forum where men discuss their experiences as they travel the globe. This post stood out:

OK fellas, I have been in a debate for several days with a "10 Year DR Veteran" on how much we should be paying. I live in Sosua so I have a pretty good idea on what to pay. This guy who I ran into at Rockys has been paying 1500 pesos and up for the usual hour or so in his room. This is too much! He said girls have been trying to get 4000 pesos out of him. You should be paying absolutely no more than 100O TO 1200 pesos for the works and that’s for the royal treatment. Right now in Sosua we are outnumbered in the discos 3-1. The hottest chicas will work her ass off for 800 to 1000 pesos. If you meet them on the street its even cheaper. Try 600 to 1000 pesos. For a happy hour no more than 1500 pesos for both girls. And 1200 will get you a happy hour most of the time. Don’t be suckers. Paying too much will ruin this place like it has Costa Rica. COME TO YOUR SENSES! PAY 1000 PESOS. NO MORE! If the chica says no then move on to the next one. In the small towns you can get laid for 500 pesos. Sex here is cheap. Lets keep it that way! Remember don’t overpay!

I’d love to get this guy to Toronto to see what he thinks.

Since it was our last night in this male paradise, my plan was to hook up with two chicas. Classico’s was the biggest bar on the strip and had the most girls so we took a seat and scoped out all the eye candy. The bar is pictured here and it really doesn't convey the extent of the chaos. The bartenders were also pretty hot, as usual.

It wasn’t long before I spotted the two above and called them over to sit with us. They had white wine and I had a beer. Total cost was a paltry $11 in Canadian funds. Communicating was a struggle as their English wasn’t the best but luckily talking wasn’t what I had in mind. They wanted 2,000 pesos each and I offered 1,500. They wouldn’t budge and I remember what that guy wrote. I wish he had been there to tell me to walk away but I’m a weak man so I caved. Anyway, it was only $130 for both of them. Here we are in front of Happy Bar. One guess why I look so happy!

Now for those of you unlucky bastards out there who’ve never had two women at once, let me tell you something. It looks a lot better in the porn movies than it actually is. There’s usually one girl that slacks off while the other does most of the work. Besides, chemistry is a big thing when you’re making sexy-time. It’s hard enough to have it with one girl, let alone two. I have to say that Jocelyn (the girl who saved my first night) on her own was better than both of these girls combined. I think their lactating breasts might have had something to do with that. How do I know, you ask? Let’s just say I found out first hand (or mouth, in this case) and it actually does taste like milk. You can imagine my surprise when that happened! I asked the other one and she said she was also currently breast-feeding. These girls were only in their 20’s but had 5 kids between them!

After the girls left, it was only 1AM so we decided to go back out for a few more drinks since the bars serve until 3AM. We saw the two gals I was just with as they were hustling for more pesos. I also saw Jocelyn and she was all over me looking for a repeat. I was almost out of cash so it was easy to say no. Well, it was hard, if ya catch my drift, but I had to turn her away. Like I said, the women outnumbered the men by a wide margin so I was approached by a different girl every few minutes. One girl clung to me for about half an hour. And when I say clung to me, I mean literally that. What can I say? I’m a catch! I think the women in these countries appreciate my manliness much more than the Toronto gals since I do so well abroad. Yeah, that must be it. Here's some more of the eye candy down there.

Dominican Republic - Day 2

2009-12-10T23:03:00.000-08:00

It’s daytime and I always feel like a vampire when the sun comes up on these sex vacations, or sexcations as I call them. This is not to be confused with a staycation, which involves lame people taking a week off work so they can sit at home watching TV in their underwear and eating big blocks of cheese. Anyway, I see the sun and I just want to crawl back under the covers and sleep until the sun sets, when the real action takes place. Since that wasn’t going to happen, here’s a few shots of the ocean view from my bed and from the terrace. Also some pics of me in all my manliness. Enjoy!

I brought my Red Sox t-shirt to the Dominican because baseball is king down there. Players from DR include David Otiz, Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez, Pedro Martinez, Albert Pujols and Sammy Sosa, so it was no surprise to see guys wearing Yankees and Red Sox hats and shirts. I think I saw only a couple of Cardinals and Cubs hats, with the vast majority belonging to Boston and NYY. No one wore anything related to the Blue Jays. They’re a smart people, the Dominicans. In fact, they're so smart they even have baseball cheerleaders.

For lunch, we had a very good cheeseburger and fries at Alberto’s, this outdoor cafe just down the street from all the action last night. They had two nice looking waitresses (see pic below) so my friend and I chatted them up and wondered if they were available like every other girl in this country. They didn’t seem like it since neither one sat in my lap or whispered in my ear that she wanted to give me a nice massage and BJ. Still, they both had children. I have to figure about 90% of the young women in DR had kids. Whenever I asked about the baby daddy, they made a face and said he’s not around. Just like in Thailand, the women all proclaimed the men in their country are no good. I disagree. After all, they’re good enough to get in their pants. High five!

The restaurant across the street from our beach house called Waterfront was hosting a fashion show that night so we thought we’d have dinner there and watch the show. One look at the menu prices and we decided it wasn’t for us. Dinner would have been the cost of a chica and that was out of the question. You see, everything down there is compared to the price of a chica. “What? 1,500 pesos for dinner? I could get a chica for that! What? 1,000 pesos for that bracelet? I could get a BJ for that!” The idea was to spend as little as possible so you could have more pesos for women. They are the backbone of that great country and my friend and I wanted to do our part to support them. Anyway, here are some shots from the fashion show. I was disappointed that I didn’t get to bang one of the models but sadly, they were not for rent. WTF!

After a cheap dinner somewhere else, we decided to take a cab to Cristal, a strip club in Puerta Plata. A few people had told us the dancers there were much hotter than the regular girls working the bars in Sosua. It was a 25 minute drive so we negotiated with a cab driver to take us there for US$35. Funny story here because the guy who got us the cab wanted to go with us to Puerta Plata to be our guide, even though he spoke very little English (just like the cabbie). There were a couple of tourists at the table behind us and we asked one of them if he could translate so he did. My friend made a joke that maybe he should come with us and the guide and the cabbie to translate everything. He had a stone face and, after a couple of seconds of staring at my pal said, “Very funny, my friend” and went back to his table. We still can't figure out why that joke upset him. I tell you, some people have no sense of humour! And BTW, the people in Thailand spoke better English for the most part than their DR counterparts. Very surprised about that.

The taxi was a beat up relic about 20 years old. I think it was a Lada and it didn't really inspire any confidence that we could get to Puerta Plata on time or in one piece. During the ride, I noticed the "Check Engine" light was on. Also, the gas gauge was on E and the driver had his seat belt buckled -- but behind him. I mentioned all this to my friend and he said, "Welcome to DR". Should I say something to the driver? My friend said this is how they roll down here so just go with it. When in Rome and all that. So I said nothing, said a little prayer and enjoyed the ride.

We walked into Cristal just before 11PM and saw about 30+ women scattered all over the bar with only a handful of male customers. We went to the bar to order drinks and when we turned around, we were shocked to see most of the women lined up about 10 feet from us. They were standing there waiting for us to call them over. They were all posing seductively and blowing kisses at us. Wow! I had never experienced anything like that before and it was pretty overwhelming. I couldn’t even look at them. I mean, it was great but I was hoping to ease into it with a beer and check out the talent. This was like walking into a store and having all the sales staff all over you as soon as you entered. After about 5 minutes of us playing hard to get, this guy who I’m guessing was the manager herded the girls away. A few minutes later, three guys walked in and sat beside us at the bar. Same deal as the girls all lined up again. This is what the lineup looked like, except they were all standing. I couldn't take pics in there so these aren't the actual girls but imagine something like this.

I have to admit the girls were pretty hot in that club. It was kind of like the Brass Rail of DR. However, unlike Toronto, the strippers kept their bikinis and lingerie on. I asked about the rate for a dance and was told it was US$40. That’s twice as expensive as back home and probably the only thing that costs more in TO than DR. Also, the girls are available to go upstairs to the rooms for US$100 per hour. To take them off the premises and back to your room, it’s US$140. This is non-negotiable as all money is paid to the staff and the girls get paid later. So we quickly deduced that this was basically a brothel disguised as a strip club. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! I saw a few guys go upstairs with girls. Even though $100 was still cheap compared to TO, I had no intention of paying twice the rate they were charging in Sosua. Plus the thought of doing it on a mattress that’s seen more ass than a toilet seat didn’t really appeal to me. The girl I was chatting with tried her best to get me to go upstairs with her but I didn’t cave. And when I say “chatting”, I mean grinding her chocha (Spanish for punani) and ass against me while she kissed my cheek and neck for about an hour. I kind of felt bad for turning her down but $100? I could get two chicas for that.....and that was the plan for the last night! BTW, I thought my stripper looked a lot like Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls. Looking back, I should have paid the money and banged the hell out of her!

We got back to Sosua around 1AM and it seemed like there were lots of ugly and fat girls working the bars. Of course, we had just come from Latina Super-Stripper Heaven so our mindset was different from last night. After about a half hour of looking and getting hit on by every crazy broad on the strip, I was ready to go back to the room and take matters in hand, so to speak. It was then that I saw Leticia, a vision of loveliness in a sea of fugly. She was very pretty and innocent looking so naturally I wanted to defile her! She wanted 2,000 pesos. I countered with 1,500 and she agreed. That was the negotiation, short and sweet just like her. Awwwww.....hey, who says I’m a pig? As we were walking back to the beach house, I heard her sniffling. I asked her if she had a cold and she said it was almost gone. Damn it! I thought that if I went ahead with this, I was going to catch her cold but it was around 1:30AM and I didn’t want to go back to the strip. Plus, she was hot so what the hell, it’s only a cold. Well, we went upstairs and I’m writing this now a few days later in my living room with the sniffles. Worth it, though! :-)

Dominican Republic - Day 1

2009-12-10T22:34:00.000-08:00

Now that I had conquered Thailand, it was time to set my sights on another country I had heard good things about – the Dominican Republic. Maybe I would have better luck finding Ms. Right in DR. Plus it was much closer than Thailand, only a four hour plane ride. Here’s how one brochure described it:

The white-sand beaches, impressive mountain ranges veined with spectacular rivers and waterfalls, and saltwater lakes teeming with exotic wildlife are just part of the Dominican Republic's appeal. Whether you're looking to party, relax or explore, the Dominican Republic has a lot to offer.

No mention of available women. I was a little worried so I did some research on the net….

The prostitution rate per capita in the Dominican Republic is considered very high. Additionally, the Dominican Republic is statistically the 4th largest exporter of prostitutes in the world behind Brazil, Thailand and the Philippines.

OK, I felt better after reading that so I booked my ticket to Sosua, packed a couple of thongs and flip flops and away I went for a short 4 days and 3 nights vacation. The plane landed in Puerta Plata in what looked like a field, with lots of trees and greenery on either side of us. The airport itself was very small compared to the three terminal beast in Toronto. Once outside, the heat was stifling, with temps in the 30s. And I learned that December is winter in DR. Damn, I would hate to visit there in June. There was a man holding a big sign with my name on it waiting to drive me to the beach house my friend and I had rented in Sosua. Ah, so this was what the good life felt like. Here's a map of DR. The drive from the Puerta Plata airport to our place in Sosua was only 15 minutes.

We debated where to have dinner our first night. Should we hit the strip right away or have a relaxing meal and then hit the bars? We chose the latter since we didn’t feel like having to fight off girls while we ate. This outdoor restaurant called Bailey’s looked promising. BTW, everything in Sosua is outdoors since it’s so freakin’ hot! After a tasty dinner of breaded schnitzel in mushroom sauce and their delicious Dominican beer called Presidente, it was off to the bars. It was similar to Thailand, with lots of young working girls wearing very little and flashing bare arms and legs. The big difference was that DR women are busty. Wow, are they ever! What’s in the water down there? Probably breast enlargement hormones. You know what’s in our water? Fat ass bitchy hormones! But I digress.......

How do I describe the bar scene in Sosua? Let’s put it this way: they have no translation for “sausage fest”. It was wall-to-wall women! The girls averaged about 19-23 years of age and maybe 3 or 4 girls for every guy and that’s no exaggeration. Of course, we were there at the very start of tourist season, which runs from December to April so maybe we just beat all the horny Germans to it. Did I mention they’re everywhere? I guess if I had 8 weeks of vacation per year, I’d travel a lot, too.

We chose a bar with some loud music and lots of chicas (Spanish for women) called El Flow. I spied this 20 year old hard body sitting with her friends and shaking her ass to the music. After establishing eye contact……and BTW, this is very tricky because eye contact is an automatic invitation for the girl to come over and hit on you and, trust me, some women you don’t want all over you…..I walked over and told her she was linda (Spanish for pretty). After a few Presidente cervezas and tequila shots, it was time to seal the deal. From my research, I knew the rate was about US$50 or $1,500 pesos per hour but I thought I’d ask her the rate. She said, “Me no prostitutka. Me student and me familia mucho importante blah blah blah….” I apologized for the misunderstanding but she said it’s OK and that she was up for a party and that I could pay whatever I want. Pay whatever I want? Well, that seemed like a great deal so off we went. She's the one on the right.

About 15 minutes in, she said something that really threw me. I was fumbling around for a condom when she told me we could do it bareback and that I could just pay her a few pesos more. Now I love dirty whores as much as the next guy, but this girl was a dirty dirty whore! How many guys has she done this way? Yikes! Could I catch anything just by being in the same bed with her? I couldn’t believe it and sure enough, started to lose interest, if ya catch my drift. My love gun turned into a limp rubber hose in a matter of moments and no amount of.....coercion.... could bring it back to life. She started getting agitated and said she had to go because I was taking too long. I had no interest in being with her anymore and thought it best we stop right there. Of course, she still wanted to be paid something for her trouble so I offered her 500 pesos, which was about US$17. She started yelling something in Spanish and, after some haggling, we “agreed” that I should pay the full rate of 1,500 pesos. What happened to paying whatever I want? Anyway, I didn’t need Hector or Ramon banging on my door later with a baseball bat so I paid her to leave, just like Charlie Sheen! She had turned a beautiful experience between a man and a woman and 1,500 pesos into something ugly. I don’t remember her name, so let’s just call her Lying Cheating Slut. As she walked out the door with my cash for doing very little, I thought back to her earlier statement, “Me no prostitutka”. Yeah, right. And me no man-whore.

Well, my first experience in DR didn’t go very well. It was around midnight so might as well call it a night and try again tomorrow........NOT!!! This was DR and I could find another girl and be back in the room in less time than it takes to drive to downtown Toronto, find parking, pay $20 to the attendant, line up at Spice Route, check my coat, order a $10 Bombay & tonic and circle the bar looking for easy women. So it was back to the strip and it didn’t take long before Jocelyn caught my eye standing in front of Classico’s. With her heels, she was over 6’ tall and curvy with nice D cups. Ay caramba! After some small talk, I asked her rate and she said I could pay whatever I want. Oh no, I wasn’t falling for that again! This time, we agreed on 1,500 pesos for one hour with the emphasis on one full hour. On the way back to the room, my friend said she was very tall and that I should make sure she wasn’t a dude. By this time, I was pretty worked up from my earlier experience and the sight of all those hot barely dressed women everywhere so I think my response was, “As long as hers isn’t bigger than mine, I’m good”. Needless to say, she was all woman and 90 minutes later, I was one worn out hombre! Yep, we went into overtime and we both scored!!

Thailand - Day 9

2008-06-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

After breakfast, Bee took a cab with me to the bus station so I could head back to Bangkok. We got there 30 minutes early so I told her she could go home but she insisted on staying with me until I got on the bus. I thought that was very sweet of her.

So my trip was almost over. Damn! Maybe I could get a job somewhere and extend my stay but after 8 days, the only Thai words I had learned were "thank you" and "cheers". I doubt that would get me very far, unless I got a job as a bartender.

I had heard that AIDS was out of control in Thailand but never really got that indication from the girls I was with as they all used condoms. Day #2 Girl even used one for my BJ, but she was the only one thankfully. :-) They all showered as soon as we got back to the hotel so they were all clean. I began thinking about the sheer number of girls that worked in the sex industry here. Hundreds.....thousands!! Thousands?? (That was for you, Pete. For everyone else, that was another Seinfeld reference. Remember Morty and the Cadillac?)

I called Nong when I got back to Bangkok (the girl from Day #4) but she said she was going to a party that night. Just as well, too, since I was running out of cash. I didn't have to leave for the airport until 9:30PM, so I hit the bars at Nana Plaza for one last drink around 7PM. On the way there, I actually ran into Nong on the street. She was on her way to meet her friends and was all dressed up and looking good. Too good, dammit! At the bar, it didn't take more than a few minutes for two girls to hit on me. They wanted the three of us to have some fun but money and time were not on my side. They looked disappointed but that was nothing compared to my disappointment!! So that was it. I realized my trip was over as I walked back to my hotel trying to hold back the tears. :-)

So what did I learn during my 9 days in Thailand? Taxis are dirt cheap, they're not big on sweets over there, the food in Thailand tastes the same as Thai food here (meaning we have authentic Thai food) and we work way too hard to meet women in North America. I now understand why men from all over the world flock to Thailand every year. One of the guys I met told me he's been coming every year for over 20 years!! We even joked that one day we'll be in our 70s and strolling along Walking Street when we'll probably bump canes.

Number of women: 9
Hours to get there: 24
Total cost: $4,000
Memories: Priceless

One final note. I'd like to thank the makers of Cialis for their fine product, without which the count would have probably stopped at 5 from sheer exhaustion.

Thailand - Day 8

2008-06-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

For my last day in Pattaya, I had arranged to spend the day with Bee. She was the girl I met my first night here back on Day #5. I had called her yesterday afternoon and arranged for her to come to my hotel at 11AM. The rate was $100 for the entire day and night plus the $20 bar find. I spend $120 drinking at the Keg most Thursday nights so spending 24 hours with this girl for the same cost was the bargain of the century. This was my only "long time" experience in Thailand.

When she showed up, she certainly looked more like a 20 year old than the night I met her at Angelwitch. With no makeup, her hair not curled and no heels, she looked her age. Still, I was happy to see her as I enjoyed talking with her the other night. We had breakfast, went shopping for some gifts that I needed to buy and then went jet-skiing and just chilled on the beach for a few hours. After going back to the room to shower, we watched a bit of Spider-Man 2 (the one with Dr. Octopus as the villain) and I even got a shot of her in the "baseline" hat.

For dinner, she took me to this restaurant at the top of a four storey mall overlooking the city and water. We had duck with teriyaki sauce along with chicken fried rice. Very nice.

I have to admit that after 7 nights of non-stop partying amid the heat and humidity, I was bagged after dinner. I wanted to tell her to call it a night and she can go home because I just wanted to go back to the hotel and sleep. Of course, that didn't happen because I refused to give in to my body so off we went to her place so she could change into her night clothes. Seeing her apartment kind of put things in perspective for me because her entire place was the size of my bedroom. She told me about her dream of opening a salon so she could stop doing this job. Like most of the other girls I met, she was sending lots of money back home every month to help support her family. She also wanted to find a good man to be her boyfriend, someone like me she said. I was flattered but again, you just never know how sincere these girls are when $$$ is involved. BTW, she called me a butterfly, which is what they call a player over there (you know, the butterfly floats from flower to flower).

After she changed outfits five times, we went to Angelwitch on Walking Street so I could pay the $20 bar find. We had a few drinks and watched the show before popping into another go-go club. Bee noticed this Thai girl on stage who had a big butt. She wasn't fat, but slim with small breasts and a big J-Lo ass! Very rare in Thailand. Bee kept pointing her out to me and said she liked that. I asked her if she was bi but she said no, she just liked the look of the girl with the big butt. (None of the girls I met were bi. I guess that's more of a North American thing.) As we were leaving, she walked to the stage and handed the girl some money. Here she is looking a little older later that night.

Thailand - Day 7

2008-06-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and started thinking about ways to move here permanently. Maybe I could put in for a transfer? Do we have any branches here? If not, I'll build one myself! Anything to keep this lifestyle going!!

We finally had a sunny day with no clouds so I hit the beach and overdid it a little as you can see by my pinkish hue (a Seinfeld reference) in the last pic at the bottom. I just wanted to sit on the lounge chair and work on my tan in peace but that was impossible. Every two minutes, someone would stop by trying to sell me something: watches, hats, sunglasses, newspapers, beads, some kind of fried food on a stick, tattoos, paintings on a velvet canvas, massages, etc. Still, the quality of products offered was better than what I experienced in Mexico, where someone tried to sell me seas shells. I remember watching him walk around the beach picking them up and then trying to sell them.

Afterwards, I was so beat from the heat that I overslept in my room and got to the bar late that night and all the girls were gone. Nothing left but ladyboys and this old woman. I flipped my trusty coin again and it came up old woman, so I thought what the hell!

I'm kidding! This was the mama-san at the beer bar where I met up with my friend. Very nice lady. Anyway, we picked up these two girls there and, after paying mama-san the bar find, took them bowling. Yep, bowling in Bangkok. Girl #9 was very quiet when I met her and even seemed shy to hold my hand. By the end of the night, she was telling me she was falling for me. Kind of sad, really, as many of the girls that I spoke with said they prefer white men over Thai men because their own men treat them like shit. In any event, sometimes it's hard to tell who's being honest and who's just playing the game to make as much $$$ as they can.

This girl's English wasn't the greatest but she was fun and had a tall curvy body, which was rare for Thai girls. Come to think of it, when I asked her out, she pointed out that she was having her "lady days" and was out of commission down there. I told her I'd settle for oral and she said OK so I never really got to see her down there plus she's tall....hmmmmmm....ladyboy??? Shit, you never know! Good kisser, though. :-)

Thailand - Day 6

2008-06-09T22:08:00.001-07:00

OK, I guess I should write a little about the ladyboys. You can't visit Thailand and not discuss the ladyboys. For those who are unclear, a ladyboy is a man who has had surgery in order to become a woman. As far as I know, they have breasts and some keep their penis while others have vaginas. Not sure how this is done and I don't wanna know. Anyway, one of them tried to mug me.

I was walking from my hotel to meet up with some of the guys at a bar. It's about a 15 minute walk and well lit except for a two block area as you pass a park. A ladyboy approached me and gave me the usual crap about how he loved me and wanted to go with me to my room. He wasted no time in putting his hand over my crotch and started rubbing. As I reached down to push him away, I noticed his other hand was halfway in my pocket. I quickly pushed him away and took off. I checked my pockets and was relieved to discover nothing was missing. I've done some reading on the net since I've been home and discovered that this is fairly common over there. Sometimes a group of them will surround a tourist and pick his pocket.

In all fairness to the general ladyboy population of Thailand, this particular LB was pretty ugly, like a dude in a wig. I'm sure the very hot LBs don't need to resort to picking pockets to make a living. It's amazing how attractive some of them are and I saw many many men with ladyboys. I'm sure I turned away a few tall Thai girls thinking they were really men but maybe they weren't. Better safe than sorry, I guess. Anyway, here are three pics and, yes, these are all ladyboys.

On our second night in Pattaya, we went back to Walking Street and found a patio where we could drink our beers and enjoy the girls walking by. They wore all sorts of sexy little outfits and seemed to really enjoy showing off their bodies. I saw one older man, about 50 or so, walking with two hot little 20 year olds wearing short shorts and high heels. I wish I was quicker with my camera on that one (too busy drooling) but I did get some interesting shots.

After a few hours of people watching, we went to a go-go bar. I was chatting with the one in the bangs (see pic below) as she was rubbing away down there. (After a week in this country, I was shocked when the girls didn't reach for that area.) The other one was about 20 feet away sitting in front of the stage when she looked at me and gave me the BJ sign...you know, she pumped her hand to her mouth a few times and repeatedly poked her tongue into her cheek. I found out later she's only 19! I called her over and soon both of them were all over me. The 19 year old didn't speak any English and yet we had no trouble understanding each other as she ground her butt on me and I saluted her performance. With my brain rapidly losing the ability to think, I decided to take them both back to my room. We negotiated for "short time" of 1.5 hours (same rate of $65 per girl as everywhere else) but I made it clear that I wanted to pop twice. The one with the bangs said, "If you can." Well, I showed her. In fact, I showed her twice!!

BTW, back at the hotel, I didn't know who to have first so I flipped a coin and it came up heads. The girl with the bangs was heads.

Thailand - Day 5

2008-06-08T18:58:00.001-07:00

We packed up our bags and went to Pattaya, a small beach resort on the Gulf of Thailand located about 2 hours southeast of Bangkok. Here's the view from my hotel facing the beach.

I was looking forward to touring Walking Street, which is a famous strip that's about a mile long and is packed with bars, massage parlours, discos and go-go clubs. Just like in Bangkok, the bars in Pattaya have plenty of barely dressed young women gyrating to the music in an effort to get you to come inside.

I had heard there were some Russian girls available here and was anxious to check them out. The Thai girls were great but it was time to add a little variety. We found a go-go club (again, that's what they call the strip clubs in Thailand) that advertised European dancers and in we went. My friend warned me that the girls have attitude but I had to see for myself. Sure enough, the girls on stage were barely going through the motions. A couple approached me for dances and couldn't even bother to smile. There were some hot ones in there but the overall business-like vibe of the place was a turn-off. Add in the beer which cost double what everyone else was charging and I had seen enough. So we left and looked around for some nice Thai girls.

We saw a sign that said Angelwitch and I had remembered the one I visited in Bangkok that had the rock dancers. This one was twice the size and had about 20+ girls dancing on stage wearing the same outfits that I saw at the Angelwitch in Bangkok. What really impressed me about this place was the great choreographed stage shows consisting of about 3-6 girls per song with different outfits and themes during each song. I was blown away with the quality of the performances. Much more entertaining than anything you'll find in Toronto.

Girl #6 was lurking here somewhere. I went to use the washroom (or toilet as it's called over there) and, when I came back to my seat, mama-san was waiting with a pretty 20-year-old named Bee. She told me later that she had seen me walking to the toilet and asked mama-san to show her where I was sitting. She told me I was attractive and wanted to meet me. I spoke to her for about half an hour but she seemed rather timid so I had no intention of asking her back to my room. I even told her that she seemed shy and she said (and I'll write it the way she said it in broken English), "I only shy here in bar. I go with you and show you I not shy". Well, we went and she showed me alright!!

One thing I have to mention. After Round 1 and some chit-chat, I wanted to go again and she said, "What? You want to boom-boom me again?" I almost fell off the bed laughing! They call it boom-boom!

And yes, I know I said last night I was going to take it easy tonight but who was I kidding? I figured there would be plenty of no sex nights back home so I may as well suck it up and get as much as I can while I'm here.

Thailand - Day 4

2008-06-08T18:20:00.001-07:00

Remember that soccer tournament I told you about? Well, there really is a soccer tournament. I'll admit that even I had my doubts but here's a pic to prove it. 32 teams gather from all over the globe to play. Not exactly the World Cup, but it'll do as a good excuse for married guys to go to Thailand.

On the fourth night, my friend was getting tired of the go-go bars (not me, though) and wanted to show me some of the regular bars where the freelancers hang out. There is no mama-san here and no bar find to pay. We walked into this very large bar and I was amazed at how many girls were in there. I'd say close to 50 but only a handful that I found attractive. There were three to my right that started chatting me up but I told my friend I wasn't feeling it so went to another bar. This is where I ran into Girl #5. We both thought she was hot but I was thinking she looked too young and wasn't going to hit on her. However, she was the prettiest girl in there so we asked her to join us at the bar and I asked her age, thinking she'd say 18 or 19. She said 25 and even showed us her ID to prove it. Well, that clinched it for me. We shot some pool first (more foreplay) because there are pool tables in almost every bar here. Her name was Nong and she turned out to be the wildest of all the girls I had in Thailand. Just goes to show that you can never judge a book by its cover. Aferwards, I got her number and told her I would call her again before I left for home.

After she left my room at about 5AM, I was pretty beat after 4 straight nights of drinking and screwing. I was thinking that maybe I would take a break the next night and just take it easy. And BTW, there has never been a name for anything more appropriate than this city being called Bangkok because you can bang cock 24/7 here!!

Thailand - Day 3

2008-06-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

OK, so it wasn't all night life. Here's some shots of me by the hotel pool and around the city. It was around 30 celsius every day and muggy, although most days it was cloudy since we were there during rainy season. It only rained a few times during my stay and then only for 30-60 minutes.

Who cares! Back to the action.....night came and it was back to Nana Entertainment Plaza and we hit a bar called Angelwitch, which advertised rock dancers. It was true as the approx. 20 girls on stage were all grinding to AC/DC, Def Leppard, Offspring, Green Day, ZZ Top and Linkin Park among others. I really liked their outfits, which consisted of black bra and panties, black fishnet stockings and black boots.

This is where I found Girl #4. One of the things I looked for in my "dates" was a girl who could speak English. Most of them speak in broken English but some speak better than others. Hey, gotta be able to chat between rounds! Anyway, her story was similar to the others as she's doing this to help out her family. Most of these girls move to Bangkok to make money to send back home. Unlike the majority of the working girls back in North America who piss away their earnings on booze, drugs and shopping, these girls have a more noble purpose. I found this on a website about some of the girls who work in the Thai bars and I'm sure it applies to many of them:

"I moved from the north two months ago to get a job. Everyone knows you can make a lot of money here but I hate it. I don't have a choice. I can't make the kind of money that I need to make doing anything else. I miss my family and I don't like my job. I'm taking several English classes because I can earn more money knowing more English. (Most of the people who come to the bars speak English.) Each month I have to earn enough money to live here and send money home to my mom. My mom requires a lot of money and I just can't earn that much doing anything else. I wish I could. It's my responsibility to take care of her so I have to do what I have to do. No one seems to care what I'm going through as long as I send enough money back home. I hate this."

You'd never know the girls feel this way because they all put on this great party girl act, but I'm sure the above applies to many of them.

One thing that was rare about Girl #4 is that she had breast implants. Unlike home, where women butcher themselves with bad boob jobs, the women in Thailand are happy with their small and natural breasts. Cosmetic surgery is cheap over there and the ones who really take advantage are the ladyboys, who are everywhere! More on them later.

Thailand - Day 2

2008-06-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

I want to mention a story about my travel doctor, the Asian gentlemen who administered my shots before I left Toronto. He asked if I had ever been to Thailand before and I told him that this would be my first time. He said there were lots of working girls there and wanted to know if I would be having sexual intercourse. I replied, "As much as I can." He said to be careful and wear a condom and then mentioned to be aware of the many ladyboys in the country. I asked him if oral sex was safe and he said there are risks. Then he said, "If you take semen in the mouth...." at which point I cut him off. "Hold on a second, Doc. I'm only interested in women." What the hell? Did he think I was gay? I always thought I came across as "macho" but maybe not??? Gotta rethink this whole metrosexual thing!

Another night saw more of the same in the Bangkok bars, but this time it was off to Soi Cowboy, another cluster of bars similar to Nana Plaza.

I found out quickly that the girls make money two ways. One of them is obvious but the other is by getting you to buy them drinks. The girls make a profit there because the bar charges more for what they call "lady drinks". I noticed that most bars carried plenty of domestic beer but only two imports: Heineken and Corona. The domestics and Heineken cost between $2 and $3 but the Corona was about $6. Thai beer was alright, with such brands as Tiger, Singha and Chang. I think I averaged about 5 beers per night during my stay in Thailand. Not bad for a guy who's used to drinking Bombay & Tonics exclusively.

I found Girl #3 in a go-go club called Baccara. Or rather, she found me. I sat down at the table next to where she was sitting and she introduced herself right away. She was in her early 20's and pretty aggressive as she wanted us to go to one of the rooms above the bar. I told her my hotel room was probably nicer (plus I prefer having the home bed advantage). My friend and I chatted with her and another dancer for about 30 minutes. It was hard to understand each other sometimes with the loud music and the girls' limited vocabulary but there was plenty of non-verbal communication!

So off we went after I paid mama-san her $20. One thing, though. As my "date" was off changing, mama-san, this woman in her mid-40s, hit on me. She asked me where I was from and I told her Canada. She said she heard that men from Canada are big. I told her that I couldn't speak for all the men back home, but I was huge! She asked to see it right then and there in the bar but I told her I was shy. So apparently not only are the dancers and waitresses available, so are the mama-sans!! I asked my friend if there was anyone in the country who wasn't for sale. He said no and that I could probably even have the cashier at McDonald's if I wanted.

On the way to the hotel, we stopped to feed the elephant first (don't ask) and then played a quick game of pool. This all served as foreplay. BTW, the pool bar had a large video screen and they were blasting AC/DC live in concert. Rock on!!

Now, even though we had negotiated for two hours, she left after the first round. Something about the game of pool having taken too long (even though it was her idea to play pool). Luckily, she was the only girl in Thailand that cheated me.

Thailand - Day 1

2008-06-08T12:06:00.000-07:00

Imagine a place with thousands of bars and tens of thousands of girls all working in those bars. In most places, there are more girls than customers and every single girl is available for much less than you would expect. This is Thailand.

We didn't waste any time our first night in Bangkok. We went to Nana Entertainment Plaza, a 5 minute walk from our hotel which was packed with three floors of bars aligned in a huge circle. According to one website, this is "Bangkok's sleaze central. Notorious for its racy themed go-go bars - from school-girl and leather dominatrix to ladyboy - it's literally a sex mall, with three storeys of eye-popping activity."

As soon as we walked into one of the bars, there were three girls all over me. And when I say all over me, I mean rubbing my crotch as I sat there drinking my $2 beer. Of course, my free hand was also very busy. I looked around and saw a guy following one of the girls to the back of the bar. I found out later this was called the Naughty Corner. He sat down on the bar stool and she dropped to her knees and blew him as I sat there with two girls still rubbing me while the third ground her butt down on me. So this was what goes on in Bangkok!! Crazy shit, I tell ya! You couldn't really see the girl giving head except for the top of the back of her head. After a few minutes, she got up, grabbed some tissues from the bar and spit her "gift" into the tissues. The girls I was with wanted to know if I wanted the same, but I politely declined. Still, I asked the rate and was told it's approx. $25. That's right, $25 for a blowjob! I pay more than that for a large pizza back home. Another guy sat down next in the Naughty Corner with two girls, but they just gave him a handjob. You know, I don't see the point in paying for a handjob since I never met a girl who could do it better than I can, but to each his own. The three girls were still on me and by this time all the blood in my body was drifting south so we got out of there and it was off to the next bar.

As you can see, every single bar has a few scantily clad girls in front trying to entice you to come in. They'll usually grab you as you walk by and try to pull you in. The weather is very hot and muggy in Thailand so the girls don't wear much, mostly shorts or mini-skirts with halter tops and, of course, high heels. The ages vary from 19-25 for the most part.

We walked into a go-go club, kind of like a strip club but the girls don't take anything off. As well, instead of one girl dancing on stage, there are 10-20 on stage. They wear the same skimpy outfit and each go-go club has their own outfit that the girls wear. They're all available to take home, even the waitresses. We went into a few go-go clubs and by this time, it was midnight and I needed to make a decision on who would be the lucky gals my first night in Bangkok. Yeah, I said gals (as in two).

I saw these two dancing together on stage. They were all over each other so I had to nab them both. The one in the brown dress was stunning, I thought, and only 22. Her friend was 27. I asked them if they wanted to come back to my room and -- big surprise -- the answer was yes!! You have to pay the bar a "bar find" for the rental of the girls. It works out to $20 each, which I paid to mama-san. This is what they call the bar manager, usually an older woman. Each bar has a mama-san (and sometimes 4 or 5 depending on the size). Then you can take the girls for "short time" which is about $65 for 2 hours or "long time", which is about $100 for the whole night. I decided to not be a hero the first night and only went for the short time. Total cost for both lovelies was $170 for two hours. Unreal!!

After about an hour with the girls, they admitted they were tired because it was about 3AM by that time but for me, it felt like 4 in the afternoon because of the time difference. I felt fresh as a daisy because I slept on the plane and was ready to go. We went again and by the time I was done around 4:30AM, those girls left thinking I was Superman!!